Let's get everyone caught up, shall we? Dad moved into the nursing home on January 6th this year. The social worker there was pretty much a bitch from the start. She tried to come up with all kinds of excuses why he shouldn't be there. For example, they had him wear a plastic bracelet that would set off an alarm if he walked out the door, but they also had little outings to Wal-Mart where the residents were able to purchase anything they wanted. When my dad bought himself a pair of scissors to help him open his mail they accused him of intending to cut off his bracelet so that he could make a run for it. There were some really great nurses there, especially one named Linda, that I will always be grateful for because they really cared about him and did their best to take care of him and make his transition easier. Unfortunately, he did struggle with losing his independence. He had a lot of anger about not being able to do all the things he wanted to do. He constantly asked me to find him an apartment and I explained over and over why he shouldn't live on his own. Then he met a female resident who also has dementia and they got very attached to each other and then I had to start explaining over and over again why they were not able to get married. It seemed for weeks and weeks every time I saw him the first things he would say to me were, "Did you find me an apartment yet?" and "We need you to drive us to the court house to get married." It was exhausting and depressing. He was very demanding and called at all hours asking me to bring things to him, but it was nice because he was only two miles from me and close enough that I was able to go visit during my lunch break several times a week.
I knew that the nursing home wanted him to leave because they continued to manufacture offenses that they claimed he had committed and unfortunately for us all they also documented these offenses. I really don't know how much is true, but I was told that he made inappropriate comments and gestures towards employees and residents, that he was aggressive and combative, and that he had plotted and attempted to escape. In light of all this, I was looking for a new home for him, but to the bafflement of the nursing home, because of everything they had documented against my Dad no other homes would take him. First, I had no idea that a person could be turned down from a nursing home. Second, that is what old people do: they get crazy and act inappropriately. Third, what ever happened to taking care of people? Isn't that what they are there for?
After a couple of months and being turned down by at least 3 homes, I got THE PHONE CALL. It was on May 10th and the social worker calls me at work to tell me that they have been granted a mental health warrant and that the Sheriff is on his way to pick up my father and take him to a psychiatric hospital on the grounds that he is simply out of control and they are not able to deal with him anymore. Have I mentioned that this woman is Delores Umbridge? Every word that comes from her mouth is sticky sweet like she's your best friend, but she's actually the most evil Death Eater that has ever lived. So she tells me she just wonders if I would like to come pack some things for him or if I'd rather, she'd be happy to arrange that for me. Excuse me?! I have questions! What the hell is a mental health warrant? Why is a law enforcement officer involved? What are they going to do for him at a psychiatric hospital? Which hospital are they taking him to? Yeah, she can't answer ANY of these because she's a moron that doesn't know how to do her job! They only question she can answer is when are they coming to get him? That would be between 2:00 and 4:00. Oh. Okay. I see. That's why you waited until 3:55 to call me, right? Bitch.
I decided that there was no way anyone was going to put my Daddy into the back of a police car when he was guilty of nothing more than being old and slightly crazy. So I rushed over from work. I think there were a few panicked phone calls to my brother mixed in there somewhere. It's a bit blurry. I ran into the nursing home and went to his room and grabbed some clothes and personal items, then I went and found him in the dining room. I grabbed his hand and told him we were leaving and that he needed to walk with me right now and fast! We walked past the social worker and other administrative staff, one of whom even tried to run after us. I put him in the car and drove off. That's about the point when the adrenaline gave way to panic. Was I going to get arrested? Did we need to go into hiding? Does this count as harboring a fugitive? I went to our house and sat Dad on the couch with a magazine and started making phone calls. In the next 30 minutes I made about 20 calls trying to figure out what to do. On the advice of my awesome cousin, I called the police department to inform them of what happened and where we were. Turns out, they didn't care. Dude I talked to didn't know what a mental health warrant was either. (I still don't understand so google if you're interested.) Dad got to spend some time outside in the backyard watching the boys play while I was calling everyone under the sun. (Magazines get boring.) They all enjoyed that time together and now I'm grateful for those few minutes. At the time I was just happy to have them all distracted so I could talk to people.
I called the hospital that Dad was supposed to be transferred to and got a bit more information. They were planning to evaluate his medications and make adjustments to improve his behavior issues. They seemed like good people and a nice facility so in the end I decided to take him over there myself. I didn't know it at the time, but that day may have been the last day of clarity I got to have with my Daddy. He noticed I was crying as we drove over and when he asked why, I explained that I was scared that I might get into trouble for taking him out of the nursing home and that he had to stay in this hospital for a few days but then I didn't know where he would go from there. He said that he was really sorry for all the trouble I have had to go through for him and he wished he wasn't such a bother and could do more for himself. I got him a sandwich from Schlotzsky's on the way over because he had missed his dinner. He told me that was the best sandwich he had ever had and he thought it was so nice that I bought it for him. We spent about 2 hours doing admissions paperwork and then I had to leave him. It was late when I got home and I was wiped out. I still hadn't eaten anything.
My amazing husband had once again been called upon to take care of dinner and baths and bedtime for the boys on his own (no easy task) and would have been well-within his rights to be grumpy about the situation. Instead, he tells me that he needs my help in the kitchen as soon as I walk in the door. I go in to see him standing with ice cream scoop in hand and a sheepish look on his face. He then informs me that he has accidentally ripped the bottom of the half-full half gallon container and we are now obligated to eat the rest because we can't store it as it will leak out of the bottom. Ice cream for dinner after a day like that? There is no other option.
I wasn't able to go see Dad the next night after work because there was a big storm predicted and this place has a very strict one hour window for visiting. The next day, I missed Timothy's grandmother's 90th birthday to make that one hour visit. Dad seemed so confused and out of it when I saw him. He was not himself at all. The nurses told me it was a reaction to the medications. Apparently the nursing home had Dad on 9 different medications trying to control his behaviors and the hospital was bringing him off of those and trying to get him down to just one. That would screw anyone up.
To be continued...
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
What Had Happened Was.....
You may have noticed that I've gone into cyber-hiding over the last few months. Now it's time to tell you why. It all started back around October when I was going over to help Dad at his house I found a letter from a lawyer that was attempting to contact him regarding a car accident he was involved in back in 2010. I thought I would be nice so I called the lawyer to explain that Dad was sick and really not able to deal with this issue. The lawyer was very nice and told me he was representing Dad's insurance company. I gave him my contact info and told him to let me know if I could help at all.
A few weeks later a get a call at work from another lawyer representing the other people involved in the accident and he was not so kind. It was not a pleasant phone call for me at all. Dad's lawyer was obligated by law to provide my info to him. A few weeks after that we had a late evening visitor at the door who ever so politely informed me that I had now been served with papers showing I was being sued on the basis that I should have known before the time of the accident that my Dad was not competent to drive and I should have somehow stopped him from driving. Even though this is the biggest bullshit lawsuit ever and an obvious attempt to get money without having a leg to stand on, I can tell you it's still very scary to see on paper that I am being sued.
Of course this happened on a Friday night when I couldn't do anything about it, so I spent a very panic-filled weekend worrying about it. But Facebook can be an awesome thing because Timothy is friends with someone we went to high school with who grew up to be a lawyer, and he was able to recommend a friend in our area that could help and he turned out to be awesome!
As these things go, it has been drawn out for several months, but our lawyer was able to get the other guy to drop the suit against me if I agreed to go to a deposition, which they could force me to do anyway without dropping the case. I was really anxious about this because I had already talked to him on the phone and I knew how he could be. We rocked it on Friday and I feel like I held my own and didn't let him push me around. Luckily no one objected to Timothy sitting by me while I answered questions and he did a great job of not saying anything. Now the case against me is over. It's still possible that I may be called in as a witness if the insurance company doesn't agree to a settlement and this ends up in a court trial, but I officially have no dog in this fight.
I am so happy that this is behind me. I was hiding because I didn't want that other lawyer snooping on me. Now I can go back to shouting my useless words for all the internet to hear. I would like to say that I am extremely grateful for those of you that have sent your support to me in so many different ways. I can't thank you enough and it has really meant the world to me. I would not have survived these past few months without my friends. I will post again soon to give an update on Dad.
A few weeks later a get a call at work from another lawyer representing the other people involved in the accident and he was not so kind. It was not a pleasant phone call for me at all. Dad's lawyer was obligated by law to provide my info to him. A few weeks after that we had a late evening visitor at the door who ever so politely informed me that I had now been served with papers showing I was being sued on the basis that I should have known before the time of the accident that my Dad was not competent to drive and I should have somehow stopped him from driving. Even though this is the biggest bullshit lawsuit ever and an obvious attempt to get money without having a leg to stand on, I can tell you it's still very scary to see on paper that I am being sued.
Of course this happened on a Friday night when I couldn't do anything about it, so I spent a very panic-filled weekend worrying about it. But Facebook can be an awesome thing because Timothy is friends with someone we went to high school with who grew up to be a lawyer, and he was able to recommend a friend in our area that could help and he turned out to be awesome!
As these things go, it has been drawn out for several months, but our lawyer was able to get the other guy to drop the suit against me if I agreed to go to a deposition, which they could force me to do anyway without dropping the case. I was really anxious about this because I had already talked to him on the phone and I knew how he could be. We rocked it on Friday and I feel like I held my own and didn't let him push me around. Luckily no one objected to Timothy sitting by me while I answered questions and he did a great job of not saying anything. Now the case against me is over. It's still possible that I may be called in as a witness if the insurance company doesn't agree to a settlement and this ends up in a court trial, but I officially have no dog in this fight.
I am so happy that this is behind me. I was hiding because I didn't want that other lawyer snooping on me. Now I can go back to shouting my useless words for all the internet to hear. I would like to say that I am extremely grateful for those of you that have sent your support to me in so many different ways. I can't thank you enough and it has really meant the world to me. I would not have survived these past few months without my friends. I will post again soon to give an update on Dad.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Just Watching TV
I just watched the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting. I had seen the news stories and I already knew the sad news but it was still heartbreaking. It's like watching a movie after reading the book and you know what is about to happen before the characters do. If you aren't already aware, the Duggar family went to a doctor visit to find out the gender of their 20th child (I KNOW!) and instead discovered that the baby had passed away as there was no longer a heartbeat. Upon hearing the news, before she even had time to take it all in, the mother said, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." This is part of the reason I watch the show because I wish my faith was that strong and I admire that, or at least I think I do. I know that would not have been my reaction. I know because I lived the horror for only an hour or so of believing that I had miscarried when I was pregnant with Owen.
I was put on bed rest at only 5 weeks due to an episode of bleeding. I was home by myself early in the morning after Timothy had taken Collin to daycare and he was on his way to work. I won't give you all the details, but suddenly there was a lot more bleeding and some other stuff and I was positive that I had lost the baby. When I had been to the ER 5 days before I was told that there was a high chance I would miscarry which is why I was on bed rest. What did I do? I made probably the most frantic phone call of my life and God knows how Timothy understood me, but he said he was on his way but couldn't stay on the phone because he had to call work to say he wasn't going in. I don't remember a lot of the next few minutes until he got home except I know I was laying on the floor screaming and crying. There was no quoting Bible verses, but I do remember wondering if our baby was in Heaven.
Timothy somehow got us to the hospital, I don't remember much about that either. I know he had to tell the lady behind the desk why we were there because I couldn't stop crying long enough to talk. I don't know how long we waited, but finally I was taken back for an ultrasound. Timothy wasn't allowed to go. The ultrasound tech asked me why I was crying because she was just asked to check me out and didn't know why I was there. I told her that I had lost the baby. She was sad for me and she said we would just look and see what was going on. After a minute she turned up a dial on the machine and I could hear a static whooshing noise. She said, "Do you hear that? That's your baby's heartbeat!" At that point I did say, "Thank you Jesus!"
So what does it say about me that I can thank God for good news, but I turn in on myself when I receive bad news? I think it says that I'm human. That was honestly one of the most painful hours of my life.And quite the opposite of what was portrayed on the show tonight. I went expecting bad news and went home with great news, while the Duggars went expecting good news and came home with horrible news. I feel so badly for them. I also renewed my anger of all the people that were so outspoken when the pregnancy was announced. I wouldn't choose to have that many children, but you've got to admire their courage and faith which is what their whole life is based on.
Looks like my first blog in a long time was based on a reality tv show. That's kind of embarrassing, but maybe this will open the door a crack to get me back into writing. I felt pretty messed up and out of it for awhile and I didn't want to spread that acid out to all you fine people. But Spring has sprung as they say and I do believe things are looking up.
I swear, I really don't even watch that much tv.
My Ohwie Bear. <3
I was put on bed rest at only 5 weeks due to an episode of bleeding. I was home by myself early in the morning after Timothy had taken Collin to daycare and he was on his way to work. I won't give you all the details, but suddenly there was a lot more bleeding and some other stuff and I was positive that I had lost the baby. When I had been to the ER 5 days before I was told that there was a high chance I would miscarry which is why I was on bed rest. What did I do? I made probably the most frantic phone call of my life and God knows how Timothy understood me, but he said he was on his way but couldn't stay on the phone because he had to call work to say he wasn't going in. I don't remember a lot of the next few minutes until he got home except I know I was laying on the floor screaming and crying. There was no quoting Bible verses, but I do remember wondering if our baby was in Heaven.
Timothy somehow got us to the hospital, I don't remember much about that either. I know he had to tell the lady behind the desk why we were there because I couldn't stop crying long enough to talk. I don't know how long we waited, but finally I was taken back for an ultrasound. Timothy wasn't allowed to go. The ultrasound tech asked me why I was crying because she was just asked to check me out and didn't know why I was there. I told her that I had lost the baby. She was sad for me and she said we would just look and see what was going on. After a minute she turned up a dial on the machine and I could hear a static whooshing noise. She said, "Do you hear that? That's your baby's heartbeat!" At that point I did say, "Thank you Jesus!"
So what does it say about me that I can thank God for good news, but I turn in on myself when I receive bad news? I think it says that I'm human. That was honestly one of the most painful hours of my life.And quite the opposite of what was portrayed on the show tonight. I went expecting bad news and went home with great news, while the Duggars went expecting good news and came home with horrible news. I feel so badly for them. I also renewed my anger of all the people that were so outspoken when the pregnancy was announced. I wouldn't choose to have that many children, but you've got to admire their courage and faith which is what their whole life is based on.
Looks like my first blog in a long time was based on a reality tv show. That's kind of embarrassing, but maybe this will open the door a crack to get me back into writing. I felt pretty messed up and out of it for awhile and I didn't want to spread that acid out to all you fine people. But Spring has sprung as they say and I do believe things are looking up.
I swear, I really don't even watch that much tv.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Catch Up
I know, I know, it's been a long time. There's been a lot going on around here and quite honestly I haven't been able to think of a way to put a positive spin on it and I didn't want to be Debbie Downer. (I just made that name up. If there is really someone named Debbie Downer reading, I'm sure you're very nice.) Of course there has been good stuff too, but I've been having a hard time lately. Maybe if I spill it all out on the Internets it will help.
I moved Dad into the nursing home on Jan 6th. He was mostly okay with the move. Of course he hadn't packed a thing, so we did that and loaded up my car. When we first got there they checked his vitals and found that his blood pressure was high. He was not happy at all that they didn't allow him to keep all his herbal medication in his room to take whenever he wanted. They also gave him a bracelet that will set off an alarm if he walks out the front door. This is standard issue for all dementia patients. We filled out tons of paperwork. Actually there is still more paperwork that needs to be done. I don't think it ever ends.
He was alright for the first week or so. He really likes the food, so that helps. This is the first time in years that he has eaten so well on a regular basis. But then the complaints started. He wants to leave and get an apartment. He wants to take his herbs and medication from his "doctor" who is some schmuck in California that sells drugs over the internet. He discovered that not everyone has to wear the alarm bracelets and now he doesn't want his anymore. He wants to walk outside by himself. There have been a lot of compromises. I think he is learning to live within the boundaries that have been assigned to him, but he's not too happy about it.
Because he is so close to me now I have been able to go visit him several times a week and make sure that he sees the kids on most weekends. He is close enough for me to visit on my lunch breaks, which has worked out nicely except for the fact that I have about a 50/50 chance of feeling like poop when I leave if he's having a grumpy day. It's really a crap shoot. Sometimes he's really happy to see me and other times he has a list of complaints ready for me.
I've found that nursing homes are a lot like day cares. I think I have gotten pretty god over the last 6 years at spotting problems with day cares so I feel confident when I say that I believe that this is a good place and they want the best for my dad. The nurses there are about 85% awesome and 15% meh, which is way better than I had hoped for.
There's more to the story, but that's the main bits. I'm seriously tired of repeating myself to every individual person, but some of it is too much or too personal to put up on a public blog so I can't just tell folks to come read about it. I appreciate all of my supportive friends that have helped me through this transition. And a shout out to my awesome hubby that has had to put up with so much lately and has been really wonderful about it.
It's another of those life lessons, and not the first time I've had to learn this one either. I think everyone has that one thing in their life that they feel like if they could fix it then everything would be alright. Guess what? It doesn't work like that. You will find another problem to replace the one you just got rid of. While is super keen that I don't have to worry about Dad's basic needs being met anymore and I really do appreciate that, now I get to worry about things like him refusing to take his meds and being upset with me for making him move or my own guilt for causing him all this unhappiness. I would still say I came out on top in that deal, but some days just plain suck. On those sucky days when I'm leaving and crying my way back to work I put on this song very loudly and it helps me feel better. This is the clean version, which is not what I listen to in the car, but I thought I'd keep it PG up in here. Also, it's you're feeling brave, go look for the official music video on youtube. It's gritty and real and worth a watch.
I moved Dad into the nursing home on Jan 6th. He was mostly okay with the move. Of course he hadn't packed a thing, so we did that and loaded up my car. When we first got there they checked his vitals and found that his blood pressure was high. He was not happy at all that they didn't allow him to keep all his herbal medication in his room to take whenever he wanted. They also gave him a bracelet that will set off an alarm if he walks out the front door. This is standard issue for all dementia patients. We filled out tons of paperwork. Actually there is still more paperwork that needs to be done. I don't think it ever ends.
He was alright for the first week or so. He really likes the food, so that helps. This is the first time in years that he has eaten so well on a regular basis. But then the complaints started. He wants to leave and get an apartment. He wants to take his herbs and medication from his "doctor" who is some schmuck in California that sells drugs over the internet. He discovered that not everyone has to wear the alarm bracelets and now he doesn't want his anymore. He wants to walk outside by himself. There have been a lot of compromises. I think he is learning to live within the boundaries that have been assigned to him, but he's not too happy about it.
Because he is so close to me now I have been able to go visit him several times a week and make sure that he sees the kids on most weekends. He is close enough for me to visit on my lunch breaks, which has worked out nicely except for the fact that I have about a 50/50 chance of feeling like poop when I leave if he's having a grumpy day. It's really a crap shoot. Sometimes he's really happy to see me and other times he has a list of complaints ready for me.
I've found that nursing homes are a lot like day cares. I think I have gotten pretty god over the last 6 years at spotting problems with day cares so I feel confident when I say that I believe that this is a good place and they want the best for my dad. The nurses there are about 85% awesome and 15% meh, which is way better than I had hoped for.
There's more to the story, but that's the main bits. I'm seriously tired of repeating myself to every individual person, but some of it is too much or too personal to put up on a public blog so I can't just tell folks to come read about it. I appreciate all of my supportive friends that have helped me through this transition. And a shout out to my awesome hubby that has had to put up with so much lately and has been really wonderful about it.
It's another of those life lessons, and not the first time I've had to learn this one either. I think everyone has that one thing in their life that they feel like if they could fix it then everything would be alright. Guess what? It doesn't work like that. You will find another problem to replace the one you just got rid of. While is super keen that I don't have to worry about Dad's basic needs being met anymore and I really do appreciate that, now I get to worry about things like him refusing to take his meds and being upset with me for making him move or my own guilt for causing him all this unhappiness. I would still say I came out on top in that deal, but some days just plain suck. On those sucky days when I'm leaving and crying my way back to work I put on this song very loudly and it helps me feel better. This is the clean version, which is not what I listen to in the car, but I thought I'd keep it PG up in here. Also, it's you're feeling brave, go look for the official music video on youtube. It's gritty and real and worth a watch.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Greetings From 2012
Happy New Year Everyone! I'm a few days late, but it's pretty close. I'm hopping on a bandwagon like a bunny walking over hot coals and I'm going to tell you all about it. Wheeeee! I'm reading a super awesome book called The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life) by Chris Hardwick. It's a self-help book for nerds plus the author is a stand up comic so it's freaking hilarious! I happened to be reading a chapter on 12/30 about selecting a word or theme for each new year. It is intended to be your go-to word when you get stuck making a decision or need motivation etc. Being the person I am, I decided I needed to think of a word during the next 24 hours so I would be ready to go for 2012. Planning ahead is really important to me and I really overdo it. (I'm the mom that packs about 3 days worth of snacks for a morning trip to the zoo because you never know if you will spill something or get caught in a zombie apocalypse.) I'm sure the world would not have ended if I had taken a week to decide. I even googled the topic and found that this has been a thing for a while and no one told me! Apparently people are picking words all over the place to define the upcoming year so I'm late to the party but it still seemed like a neato idea.
The word I chose is IMPROVE.
I figure that this is broad enough to apply to most parts of my life, but subtle enough to not imply that I'm seeking perfection. More like practice. If I can improve a little bit at a time then by the end of 2012 I should be a better person for making the effort. I hope to apply this to lots of areas, but here are a few: patience, diet, exercise, punctuality, housekeeping, work habits, sleep schedule. Not to say any one of these is horrible at the moment, but all could stand some improvement. I hope to be able to fall back and remember my commitment to improve whenever I start to get lazy or fall back into bad habits.
Have any of you ever picked a word or theme for a year? And if so, how did it work out?
The word I chose is IMPROVE.
I figure that this is broad enough to apply to most parts of my life, but subtle enough to not imply that I'm seeking perfection. More like practice. If I can improve a little bit at a time then by the end of 2012 I should be a better person for making the effort. I hope to apply this to lots of areas, but here are a few: patience, diet, exercise, punctuality, housekeeping, work habits, sleep schedule. Not to say any one of these is horrible at the moment, but all could stand some improvement. I hope to be able to fall back and remember my commitment to improve whenever I start to get lazy or fall back into bad habits.
Have any of you ever picked a word or theme for a year? And if so, how did it work out?
Friday, December 30, 2011
Holidays 2011
It has been crazy busy, in mostly a good way, around here. We had a nice Christmas and I hope all of you did as well!
We started off on the Friday before Christmas with a Mommy and Collin day. He is so fun to hang out with as he's getting older! We went bowling! It was his first time and I haven't been since who-knows-when, at least since before the kids were born. The lightest ball they have is 7 lbs, which is still pretty heavy for someone who only weighs about 43 lbs. Take your weight and divide by 6 and see if that would be a comfortable size ball to hold with 3 fingers.... probably not! But of course he made it work. He carried it with two hands up to the foul line and plopped it on the floor (THUD!) then shoved it with both hands. There were a few I wasn't sure would make it all the way to the pins, but luckily they did. It was so slow rolling down the lane that he had time to lay down on his tummy with his chin in his hands and watch how many pins were knocked down. So cute! We had the bumpers down, but I almost needed them more than he did. He turned out to be a pretty good bowler. If it hadn't been for that one time when he smashed his finger with the ball and then insisted that I take a turn for him (in which I failed to knock over any of his 5 remaining pins) I think he would have won. Our first game was 95 to 93 with me barely pulling ahead. Needless to say he didn't ask me to take any of his turns after that!
After bowling we went to the movies to see Alvin and the Chipmunks and since it was a special day I let him have movie popcorn for lunch. I tried to get him to have something else, but that's what he wanted. Oh well, corn is almost a vegetable, right? Right? Yeah, I know.... But the movie was better than I expected. If you can tolerate clips of top 40 songs every couple of minutes then you will be fine. They weren't entire songs, and when sung by chipmunks/chipettes everything is cuter.
That was the beginning of our 11 or so days of vacation. And I mean the whole family. It's a wonder no one has killed each other yet!
The next day was Christmas Eve, a notoriously busy afternoon/evening for the Nowell family. But first I got to meet up with my friend that was visiting from Austin (Hi Karin!) and had lunch at McDonald's and let the kids run wild so we could visit for a bit. It was nice. Until the ride home that is, Owen was really mad about something I can't remember anymore and he screamed for about 15 minutes. Ugh! Mostly I think older kids are easier until you anger them and then remember they throw bigger fits than they did as babies.
So home again and time to cook! We always have snacks after Christmas Eve church services. I made stuff wrapped in bacon because everything is better with bacon! I did little smokies wrapped in bacon and sprinkled with brown sugar. (Learned that one from Cousin Sheila and it's always a hit.) Then I also tried something new that I'd had at a restaurant: jalapenos cut in half and take the seeds out and filled with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon. SO GOOD! But it turns out my family is a bunch of wusses and most people were too scared to eat them. More for me! The only thing was that after cutting and seeding about 25 jalapenos (without wearing gloves, doh!) my hands were burning so badly that I actually googled ways to make it stop. Aloe vera turned out to work best for me, but I had to reapply several times.
We went to my in-laws' house and had dinner and then off to church for the candle light service. The sermon was titled "A Tim Tebow Christmas" I kid you not! Hmmm.... Well, that's part of why I don't go to that church anymore. Not being a football fan I didn't even know who the guy was. Now that I do (thanks for the football lesson, Church) I still think it's never a good idea to put anyone on a pedestal and tell people to aspire to be like them. That's just asking for trouble. Rant over.
Back to the in-laws for presents and the famous snacks. Collin got roller skates (he's going to kill ME learning to use those things) and a RC helicopter. Owen got an Alphie robot and a memory game. They also got a portable dvd player to share. After getting my first set of bruises on my feet/ankles trying to help Collin skate, we went home to prepare for the next day.
We told the boys to wake each other up in the morning and then come get us as they have a habit of just yelling at us from their beds to ask if they can get up yet. They pounced on us at 5:30 am. Note to self: letting them stay up late does NOT mean they will sleep later. The boys were so excited to finally open the presents under our tree. They each got a pillow pet and a new set of sheets for their beds. Collin also got and Agent P stuffed toy and a marble race game like I had when I was little. Owen got a basketball hoop and the new Winnie the Pooh movie. Owen also picked out a puzzle to give to Collin. Collin got to go shopping at a special store set up at school to buy presents, so his were truly a surprise. He picked a wooden tic-tac-toe game for Owen, a color your own stuffed dolphin for dad, and a pretty necklace for me. Kid has good taste! Mimi and Mr Bob came over and the boys each got their own set of Lincoln Logs. Then they played with all their stuff for awhile before Owen had a nap.
Time to cook again! I made my first cherry pie and some brownies because I knew the kids wouldn't eat the pie. Timothy made some yummy dressing with apples and pecans mixed in it. Then I made the obligatory green bean casserole and corn casserole. All this just for side dishes while I already had a bunch of left over little smokies and jalapenos left over in the fridge! We trooped back to the in-laws for the major feast. And we were all ready to drop when it was over. Owen and I stopped over to visit my dad for a bit and take him some food.
On Monday we did a whole lot of nothing and it was great! I think we watched the Pooh movie which is a whole 63 minutes including credits, but they mostly played with all their new stuff. Tuesday we had a morning play date and Wednesday we went to the Zoo. Both fun days. Between Wednesday night and Thursday morning Owen slept for 13 hours, which told me he was sick. Sure enough he was extra fussy all morning so Timothy and I cancelled our baby-sitters we had planned for the afternoon and I took O to the doctor instead. Sinus infection, so onto antibiotics we go. And it's that 3 times a day stuff that I KNOW I will forget at lunch time, plus it won't be finished before he goes back to daycare so I will have to remember to take it over in the morning and pick it up at night. Good luck on all that happening! Today, we all went to see the Muppet movie and besides taking Owen out to pee 3 times, I think it went alright. He is a handful and the kid does not like to sit still. Hopefully he will get better at the movie thing because I think it will be fun to do more family movie days.
That catches you up on the last week or so with the Nowells. I'm excited to see what the New Year will bring. There are a few things I'm already looking forward to and some challenges I'm not sure I'm ready for, but I am sure it will be another adventure.
Here are a few highlights from 2011:
We had just started at a new daycare, we are still there and mostly loving it. It has been a huge blessing and saved us a lot of money!
We paid off all our credit cards for the first time since we had been married with our tax return! They stayed paid off until just this last month and a half, but it's not too bad and we will recover quickly.
Owen was potty-trained!!! This was God's birthday present to me as he was about the easiest child ever to learn this trick. :-)
Collin started Tang Soo Do (Karate) and has been promoted twice already!
Collin started Kindergarten!
Timothy survived a round of layoffs at his job because he is super awesome at what he does!
I got a raise for the first time since 2008! Being in the mortgage industry has been a bit frightening several times.
Owen moved from his toddler bed to a twin big-boy bed!
I lost about 35 lbs. :-) (Put some of that back this last week I'm sure)
We had a great family vacation this summer to San Antonio!
All in all I'd say it's been a great year. I wish all of you the best for 2012. Let's hope those Mayans just got bored and stopped counting.... ha ha ha ha!
We started off on the Friday before Christmas with a Mommy and Collin day. He is so fun to hang out with as he's getting older! We went bowling! It was his first time and I haven't been since who-knows-when, at least since before the kids were born. The lightest ball they have is 7 lbs, which is still pretty heavy for someone who only weighs about 43 lbs. Take your weight and divide by 6 and see if that would be a comfortable size ball to hold with 3 fingers.... probably not! But of course he made it work. He carried it with two hands up to the foul line and plopped it on the floor (THUD!) then shoved it with both hands. There were a few I wasn't sure would make it all the way to the pins, but luckily they did. It was so slow rolling down the lane that he had time to lay down on his tummy with his chin in his hands and watch how many pins were knocked down. So cute! We had the bumpers down, but I almost needed them more than he did. He turned out to be a pretty good bowler. If it hadn't been for that one time when he smashed his finger with the ball and then insisted that I take a turn for him (in which I failed to knock over any of his 5 remaining pins) I think he would have won. Our first game was 95 to 93 with me barely pulling ahead. Needless to say he didn't ask me to take any of his turns after that!
After bowling we went to the movies to see Alvin and the Chipmunks and since it was a special day I let him have movie popcorn for lunch. I tried to get him to have something else, but that's what he wanted. Oh well, corn is almost a vegetable, right? Right? Yeah, I know.... But the movie was better than I expected. If you can tolerate clips of top 40 songs every couple of minutes then you will be fine. They weren't entire songs, and when sung by chipmunks/chipettes everything is cuter.
That was the beginning of our 11 or so days of vacation. And I mean the whole family. It's a wonder no one has killed each other yet!
The next day was Christmas Eve, a notoriously busy afternoon/evening for the Nowell family. But first I got to meet up with my friend that was visiting from Austin (Hi Karin!) and had lunch at McDonald's and let the kids run wild so we could visit for a bit. It was nice. Until the ride home that is, Owen was really mad about something I can't remember anymore and he screamed for about 15 minutes. Ugh! Mostly I think older kids are easier until you anger them and then remember they throw bigger fits than they did as babies.
So home again and time to cook! We always have snacks after Christmas Eve church services. I made stuff wrapped in bacon because everything is better with bacon! I did little smokies wrapped in bacon and sprinkled with brown sugar. (Learned that one from Cousin Sheila and it's always a hit.) Then I also tried something new that I'd had at a restaurant: jalapenos cut in half and take the seeds out and filled with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon. SO GOOD! But it turns out my family is a bunch of wusses and most people were too scared to eat them. More for me! The only thing was that after cutting and seeding about 25 jalapenos (without wearing gloves, doh!) my hands were burning so badly that I actually googled ways to make it stop. Aloe vera turned out to work best for me, but I had to reapply several times.
We went to my in-laws' house and had dinner and then off to church for the candle light service. The sermon was titled "A Tim Tebow Christmas" I kid you not! Hmmm.... Well, that's part of why I don't go to that church anymore. Not being a football fan I didn't even know who the guy was. Now that I do (thanks for the football lesson, Church) I still think it's never a good idea to put anyone on a pedestal and tell people to aspire to be like them. That's just asking for trouble. Rant over.
Back to the in-laws for presents and the famous snacks. Collin got roller skates (he's going to kill ME learning to use those things) and a RC helicopter. Owen got an Alphie robot and a memory game. They also got a portable dvd player to share. After getting my first set of bruises on my feet/ankles trying to help Collin skate, we went home to prepare for the next day.
We told the boys to wake each other up in the morning and then come get us as they have a habit of just yelling at us from their beds to ask if they can get up yet. They pounced on us at 5:30 am. Note to self: letting them stay up late does NOT mean they will sleep later. The boys were so excited to finally open the presents under our tree. They each got a pillow pet and a new set of sheets for their beds. Collin also got and Agent P stuffed toy and a marble race game like I had when I was little. Owen got a basketball hoop and the new Winnie the Pooh movie. Owen also picked out a puzzle to give to Collin. Collin got to go shopping at a special store set up at school to buy presents, so his were truly a surprise. He picked a wooden tic-tac-toe game for Owen, a color your own stuffed dolphin for dad, and a pretty necklace for me. Kid has good taste! Mimi and Mr Bob came over and the boys each got their own set of Lincoln Logs. Then they played with all their stuff for awhile before Owen had a nap.
Time to cook again! I made my first cherry pie and some brownies because I knew the kids wouldn't eat the pie. Timothy made some yummy dressing with apples and pecans mixed in it. Then I made the obligatory green bean casserole and corn casserole. All this just for side dishes while I already had a bunch of left over little smokies and jalapenos left over in the fridge! We trooped back to the in-laws for the major feast. And we were all ready to drop when it was over. Owen and I stopped over to visit my dad for a bit and take him some food.
On Monday we did a whole lot of nothing and it was great! I think we watched the Pooh movie which is a whole 63 minutes including credits, but they mostly played with all their new stuff. Tuesday we had a morning play date and Wednesday we went to the Zoo. Both fun days. Between Wednesday night and Thursday morning Owen slept for 13 hours, which told me he was sick. Sure enough he was extra fussy all morning so Timothy and I cancelled our baby-sitters we had planned for the afternoon and I took O to the doctor instead. Sinus infection, so onto antibiotics we go. And it's that 3 times a day stuff that I KNOW I will forget at lunch time, plus it won't be finished before he goes back to daycare so I will have to remember to take it over in the morning and pick it up at night. Good luck on all that happening! Today, we all went to see the Muppet movie and besides taking Owen out to pee 3 times, I think it went alright. He is a handful and the kid does not like to sit still. Hopefully he will get better at the movie thing because I think it will be fun to do more family movie days.
That catches you up on the last week or so with the Nowells. I'm excited to see what the New Year will bring. There are a few things I'm already looking forward to and some challenges I'm not sure I'm ready for, but I am sure it will be another adventure.
Here are a few highlights from 2011:
We had just started at a new daycare, we are still there and mostly loving it. It has been a huge blessing and saved us a lot of money!
We paid off all our credit cards for the first time since we had been married with our tax return! They stayed paid off until just this last month and a half, but it's not too bad and we will recover quickly.
Owen was potty-trained!!! This was God's birthday present to me as he was about the easiest child ever to learn this trick. :-)
Collin started Tang Soo Do (Karate) and has been promoted twice already!
Collin started Kindergarten!
Timothy survived a round of layoffs at his job because he is super awesome at what he does!
I got a raise for the first time since 2008! Being in the mortgage industry has been a bit frightening several times.
Owen moved from his toddler bed to a twin big-boy bed!
I lost about 35 lbs. :-) (Put some of that back this last week I'm sure)
We had a great family vacation this summer to San Antonio!
All in all I'd say it's been a great year. I wish all of you the best for 2012. Let's hope those Mayans just got bored and stopped counting.... ha ha ha ha!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Update on Dad
I know a few of you check in here to find out about my dad, and at least one of you probably gets more than an earful and know everything already, but here it is.
We were planning on moving Dad into the nursing home at the start of December. That didn't happen. I called the nursing home several times throughout November to make sure everything was ready and it seemed like it was. I was told that he shouldn't have any trouble qualifying for Medicaid since he doesn't have any assets. The only thing was a life insurance policy. Oh that damn life insurance policy! The admittance lady told me it wouldn't be a problem and she would help us through the process of transferring the policy to me so it wouldn't be under his name but that we could take care of that after he moved in. Me, being stupid and not knowing anything about any of this, just went with it. Then I was told on November 29th that apparently I made that whole story up and it never really happened. That was not a good day. Turns out that we need to cash out the policy and spend the money on something (that won't be an asset (Brewster's Millions anyone?)) by the end of the month for him to be able to move in the following month. So obviously that wasn't going to happen in 24 hours, so here we are.
It took a few days to get the paper around for all required parties to sign, but I faxed it in today. Now we wait and hope and pray. It takes up to 20 business days to process the request and then another 5 days to send the check. Doing the numbers in your head? Yup, you're right, unless they speed it up it's not going to happen this month either. I'm hoping that the whole 20 day thing is just to give them a wide time frame and that they normally get things done much MUCH sooner than that. Once it's processed they will mail the check to Dad and hopefully he will not cash it and make some <insert foul name here> scam person in Nigeria very happy with his new found wealth. I still need to have that conversation with him to explain that the check is coming. *sigh*
Once we get the money we get to have the oh so much fun experience of going to a freaking funeral home and buying a pre-paid funeral/cremation/burial plan. Yeah, he doesn't know about any of that yet either. OMFSM that stuff really freaks me right the heck out! I tried to call and find out prices on such things but I lost it and made Brother do it. Bless him. Maybe I'll ask him to fly out here and go buy it so I won't have to. So again, all this is supposed to happen by the end of the month otherwise we get to put off this whole party again until February. Oh and don't forget to throw in Christmas somewhere too. And I haven't even mentioned trying to sort through the mess that he lives in. *sigh again*
As for me, I've been feeling completely overwhelmed and honestly angry about this whole situation. I've been reading a book that my super awesome cousin Niki sent me to try to learn more about the process. I haven't found the chapter about going through the motions when you really don't want to, probably because such a chapter doesn't exist. I think the authors assume that all caregivers are selfless and wonderful people who are willing to do anything they can to help their parents. I can't find anything in all my research about people that are really angry about being forced into the position of caregiver. I get angry about the time I miss with my own children. I get angry because of the extra stress it puts on Timothy when I need to be gone for so long. I have passed up promotion opportunities at work and as a rule I don't work overtime unless it's mandatory because I feel my time with my family is already so limited that I'm not willing to lose another hour with them that I don't have to even if it does mean more money. People will tell me how amazing it is that I'm helping my dad and I just sort of nod, but I'm thinking I'm not a good person at all. I hate this! There are no words for how much I hate this right now.
How horrible am I for feeling like that? On the one hand, obviously, it's not Dad's fault that he needs help because he's sick. On the other hand, I don't have all the warm and fuzzy memories like the authors of the book because, unlike them, I feel like I have been taking care of Dad for most of my life and certainly longer than he took care of me. I was about to backtrack and say that maybe this isn't true, but it is completely true. I've had better judgement than him since I was about 11. It really just comes down to that I'm a whiney complainer and I don't feel like any of this should be my responsibility. Or at least someone should share this responsibility with me more than they are at the moment. I don't want to talk to nursing homes and insurance companies and funeral homes and lawyers and doctors and bill collectors, but I have to. Practically every day there is some issue to deal with. I don't want to do any of this horrible business, but we must play the hand we are dealt - even if it sucks more than being a boy named Sue. Hopefully soon he will be moved into the nursing home where he will have lots of help and I won't have to worry so much. My goal is to work out a schedule to visit him regularly so that I can just enjoy his company instead of always trying to be the super hero that I know I'm not.
We were planning on moving Dad into the nursing home at the start of December. That didn't happen. I called the nursing home several times throughout November to make sure everything was ready and it seemed like it was. I was told that he shouldn't have any trouble qualifying for Medicaid since he doesn't have any assets. The only thing was a life insurance policy. Oh that damn life insurance policy! The admittance lady told me it wouldn't be a problem and she would help us through the process of transferring the policy to me so it wouldn't be under his name but that we could take care of that after he moved in. Me, being stupid and not knowing anything about any of this, just went with it. Then I was told on November 29th that apparently I made that whole story up and it never really happened. That was not a good day. Turns out that we need to cash out the policy and spend the money on something (that won't be an asset (Brewster's Millions anyone?)) by the end of the month for him to be able to move in the following month. So obviously that wasn't going to happen in 24 hours, so here we are.
It took a few days to get the paper around for all required parties to sign, but I faxed it in today. Now we wait and hope and pray. It takes up to 20 business days to process the request and then another 5 days to send the check. Doing the numbers in your head? Yup, you're right, unless they speed it up it's not going to happen this month either. I'm hoping that the whole 20 day thing is just to give them a wide time frame and that they normally get things done much MUCH sooner than that. Once it's processed they will mail the check to Dad and hopefully he will not cash it and make some <insert foul name here> scam person in Nigeria very happy with his new found wealth. I still need to have that conversation with him to explain that the check is coming. *sigh*
Once we get the money we get to have the oh so much fun experience of going to a freaking funeral home and buying a pre-paid funeral/cremation/burial plan. Yeah, he doesn't know about any of that yet either. OMFSM that stuff really freaks me right the heck out! I tried to call and find out prices on such things but I lost it and made Brother do it. Bless him. Maybe I'll ask him to fly out here and go buy it so I won't have to. So again, all this is supposed to happen by the end of the month otherwise we get to put off this whole party again until February. Oh and don't forget to throw in Christmas somewhere too. And I haven't even mentioned trying to sort through the mess that he lives in. *sigh again*
As for me, I've been feeling completely overwhelmed and honestly angry about this whole situation. I've been reading a book that my super awesome cousin Niki sent me to try to learn more about the process. I haven't found the chapter about going through the motions when you really don't want to, probably because such a chapter doesn't exist. I think the authors assume that all caregivers are selfless and wonderful people who are willing to do anything they can to help their parents. I can't find anything in all my research about people that are really angry about being forced into the position of caregiver. I get angry about the time I miss with my own children. I get angry because of the extra stress it puts on Timothy when I need to be gone for so long. I have passed up promotion opportunities at work and as a rule I don't work overtime unless it's mandatory because I feel my time with my family is already so limited that I'm not willing to lose another hour with them that I don't have to even if it does mean more money. People will tell me how amazing it is that I'm helping my dad and I just sort of nod, but I'm thinking I'm not a good person at all. I hate this! There are no words for how much I hate this right now.
How horrible am I for feeling like that? On the one hand, obviously, it's not Dad's fault that he needs help because he's sick. On the other hand, I don't have all the warm and fuzzy memories like the authors of the book because, unlike them, I feel like I have been taking care of Dad for most of my life and certainly longer than he took care of me. I was about to backtrack and say that maybe this isn't true, but it is completely true. I've had better judgement than him since I was about 11. It really just comes down to that I'm a whiney complainer and I don't feel like any of this should be my responsibility. Or at least someone should share this responsibility with me more than they are at the moment. I don't want to talk to nursing homes and insurance companies and funeral homes and lawyers and doctors and bill collectors, but I have to. Practically every day there is some issue to deal with. I don't want to do any of this horrible business, but we must play the hand we are dealt - even if it sucks more than being a boy named Sue. Hopefully soon he will be moved into the nursing home where he will have lots of help and I won't have to worry so much. My goal is to work out a schedule to visit him regularly so that I can just enjoy his company instead of always trying to be the super hero that I know I'm not.
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