I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while, an old coworker that now works in a different department so we never cross paths. I probably haven't had a conversation with her since January. The first sentence out of her mouth: How's your Dad doing?
I just did the routine song and dance. He passed away back in March. Oh I'm so sorry, I hadn't heard. Thank you, it's okay.... well, I have to be getting back now.... See ya.
I know it's not her fault. I know she was just trying to be thoughtful. I know! But I still want to scream, if you don't know by now, I'm not going to tell you! Real mature, right?
It was actually a bad week for Daddy issues. About two years ago when I was trying to get Daddy into a home, I called this company called A Place For Mom that is supposed to help you. Funny enough, you can get more information from Google than by calling places like that, but I had to learn the hard way. During the process I gave them my contact information. They would call every few months and I would tell them I no longer needed their services. Then they called around May and I told them I REALLY no longer needed their services and please never call me again. Guess what? They called while I was out with Owen's class on a field trip. I didn't answer, but I knew it was them and it bummed me out. I called them back later and explained again. The sweet lady apologized profusely and said that she did see the notes from last time and I shouldn't have been called again. Then I got an email to check on me and Dad and see if there was anything I needed from them. I wrote back and explained, again. Next day I get ANOTHER phone call at work. "We would love to follow up with you and see how your dad is doing!" You're a lot too cheerful there, missy! I was rude, I was ugly, I may have used swears and threatened to file a lawsuit, but I think I got my point across to the supervisor I demanded to talk to. I guess we'll find out in a few months.
Most of the people in my life were already in place 8 months ago and even if they don't know about my entire adventure trying to take care of my Daddy, they at least know that he's gone. But I have made some new friends that just don't know. In a way, I like that they don't know so they don't feel sorry for me, but I also feel like they don't know me at all. Which isn't true, because obviously there is a lot more to me than just the fact that my father has passed away, but I guess it's still so fresh for me and it feels like a pretty big piece. It's also not like you can just bring that up as part of a conversation unless someone else mentions it first. The day he died, there was surprisingly little to do after a few phone calls were made. We decided that Collin shouldn't miss his first soccer practice of the season just so we could sit around and be sad. So there I was sitting with the coach's wife and making small talk like you do when you first meet someone except I just really wanted to say very inappropriate things. "My dad just died this morning. Have you ever watched someone die? It was my first time and it completely sucked! I'd like to just curl up in a ball over here and cry till I pass out, but instead I'll comment on how nice the weather turned out for our first practice and I'm sure we are going to have a great season."
When I think about it, there are lots of people in my life that I don't know well enough to know if their parents are still alive. You just sort of assume based on ages if you even think about it at all. It must just be one of those things.